The Loneliness Tax: We're All Paying It

Quick stats: Smoking a pack a day increases your mortality risk by 83%. Being lonely? That'll kill you 90% faster. Yet we have warning labels on cigarettes and celebration posts for "grinding alone." Make it make sense. [Source]

I wrote about the loneliness epidemic a year ago, and holy shit, did that strike a nerve. My inbox looked like a confessional booth. CTOs, junior analysts, and everyone in between sharing stories that boiled down to: "I thought it was just me."

Plot twist: It's not just you. It's not just the rich CEO (though yeah, they're lonely too – cue the tiny violin). It's all of us.

We've optimized ourselves into isolation. We've A/B tested our way to efficiency and automated our connections right out of existence. Slack has replaced water cooler talk. Zoom has replaced lunch breaks. And Twitter/X/whatever-the-hell-it's-called-now has replaced meaningful discourse.

The Math Doesn't Math

• 2-3 close friends in 1990

• 0.9 close friends in 2023

• Infinite LinkedIn connections

Something's broken here, folks. [Source]

Personal Story: Recently, I’ve been talking to some people who have had huge wins. Professional wins mostly, big things at work - closing the big sale, getting the promotion, whatever. And a few themes keep coming up: Yeah it didn’t excite me like I thought it would. Or, I realized I had nobody to really text and share that with that would get excited with me.

I’ve been fortunate enough to make some friends with very diverse group of people. The net worth range of my friend group is shocking, this isn’t a brag I’ve got a point. There is a consistent desire for more and deeper connections.

No matter how big or small your house is, everyone wants to fill it more frequently with people they love.

The Loneliness Tax manifests in weird ways:

• Doomscrolling at 2 AM

• Attending 47 security conferences but making 0 real connections

• Having 30,000 Twitter followers but nobody to grab a weekly coffee with

• Knowing everyone's GitHub stats but nobody's birthday

We're paying this tax in:

• Mental health

• Physical health

• Innovation (yes, really – when's the last time you had a breakthrough alone?)

• Resilience (turns out, support networks actually help with the whole "not burning out" thing)

One of the best phases of most young people’s lives is if they go live on campus at a dorm. It’s the first and last time many of us will live in a walkable community with all our closest friends and romantic partners.

How many nights spent just stepping out into the halls and finding a video game tourney going on? Or running into that person you’ve been crushing on and dare I say probably sleeping around more than we do during most of our professional lives.

Any of you lucky enough to have a friend in your neighborhood or on your street? Isn’t it the best when with no plans you can roll up to each others houses and have a drink, light a fire, share some leftovers from the BBQ you made?

The Real Security Vulnerability

The biggest threat to our industry isn't the next zero-day – it's the zero friends day. We're building fortress walls around our systems while our support networks are XP Service Pack 2.

So what now? Some real talk:

1. Stop Glamorizing the Grind

"Up at 4 AM, grinding alone 😤" isn't a flex. It's a cry for help. Let's normalize success that includes human connection.

2. Create No-Tech Zones

I’ve been itching to start "Hackers Who Hike" group. No phones, no shop talk, just trails and actual face-to-face conversation.

But for now, I’ll take my weekly coffee or gym session with a buddy where our phones don’t make an appearance.

3. Redefine Professional Development

Your next certification might boost your salary by 15%. A strong professional and personal support network? Priceless. Both matter.

4. Build Your Connection Stack

• Daily: Text someone who isn't your spouse/partner (I literally have “Good Friend Time” in my calendar as a reminder)

• Weekly: One in-person meeting that isn't work

• Monthly: Group activity where phones are banned

• Quarterly: Reconnect with an old friend. Travel to each other if possible.

This isn't some kumbaya bullshit. This is survival. The data is clear – loneliness will kill you faster than your terrible sleep schedule and energy drink addiction combined.

The ROI on Connection [Source]

• 50% lower risk of early death

• 32% lower risk of stroke

• 100% higher chance of having someone to call when shit hits the fan

Here's the truth: The loneliness epidemic isn't just a personal problem – it's a systemic one. And like any good security professional knows, systemic problems require systemic solutions.

Your move.

We've built an industry that can detect anomalies in network traffic within microseconds but somehow missed the massive disconnect happening in our own community.

The next frontier in security isn't AI, blockchain, or whatever buzzword is trending on LinkedIn – it's rebuilding the human infrastructure that makes our work sustainable.

Some Hard Truths:

• Your Slack reactions 🤣 aren't replacing group belly laughs

• Your LinkedIn network isn't your support network

• Your Github contributions won't visit you in the hospital

Look, I get it. I'm not suggesting we all become extroverts overnight or start trust-falling at conferences. But between "complete isolation" and "mandatory fun team building," there's a sweet spot we're missing.

The Action Items (because we all love actionable intel):

1. Audit Your Connection Security

   • When's the last time you had a conversation that wasn't about work?

   • Who are your 2AM call people?

   • How regularly do you see someone who you’re not related to or work with?

2. Implement Some Controls

   • Schedule one non-work social event this month

   • Join one community that isn't purely professional

   • Delete one social media app that's giving you more anxiety than connection

3. Monitor Your Metrics

   • Track your meaningful interactions like you track your KPIs

   • Set alerts for isolation incidents

   • Regular check-ins with your human network. Yes put it on the calendar and show up.

Remember: You can't patch loneliness with code, and you can't firewall your way out of isolation. But you can build a better network – the human kind.

Just show up.