The Myth of Arrival

Success is weird, right? We all chase these big milestones thinking they'll make us feel amazing forever. But even after hitting those goals, that satisfied feeling tends to fade pretty quick.

Trust me, I keep learning this one the hard way.

Crushing your goals is still awesome and worth celebrating. But let's be real for a second - it's not some magic fix for happiness. The whole "I'll be happy when..." thing is a trap.

Coaches have coaches

Part of this post idea came when I saw someone I consider to be at the pinnacle of their career posting on LinkedIn about being in the market for a mentor.

Here is someone who has been the CISO of a major corporation, and a successful founder and CEO. They seem like someone others go to for help, and have a career that others would hold up and say, “I’d like to be them.”

My first reaction: “Well, if he needs a mentor, I’m absolutely fucked.”

But then I thought about it, and I remembered a few things.

Olympic athletes have coaches.

Therapists have therapists.

I’d trust my coach less if they didn’t also have a coach.

So let’s dive into what’s noodling around here.

Understanding the Myth

It's a weird thing our brains do where we think, "Once I hit this next milestone, THEN I'll be happy." You know what I mean - once I get that promotion, buy that house, find that perfect relationship, THEN life will be complete.

Game over, achievement unlocked, confetti falls from the ceiling.

Except that's total BS. Whenever we hit one of those milestones, our brain moves the goalposts. There's always another level to beat, another achievement to unlock. It's like playing an endless roguelike where you keep thinking the next run will be the one that finally satisfies you. Spoiler alert: it won't be.

The Paradox of Achievement

Here’s where things get interesting. You see, achieving those goals and hitting those milestones should be cause for celebration.

But, ever notice how hitting your goals sometimes feels... weirdly empty? It's this bizarre thing where the bigger the achievement, the more hollow the victory feels.

You nail that promotion, close that big deal, or ship that project you've been grinding on forever - and instead of popping champagne, you're sitting there thinking "that's it?"

Wild, right? And it's not just you - this is a pretty common mind trap that catches a lot of high achievers. Your brain's basically playing tricks on you, but understanding that is half the battle.

First, there’s the phenomenon of hedonic adaptation, the tendency of our pleasure and satisfaction to wane over time. So, what once brought us immense joy gradually becomes the new normal, leaving us searching for the next big thrill.

We're running on a happiness treadmill, always chasing the next dopamine hit because our brain is really good at making awesome things feel boring.

Second, pursuing external validation is treacherous in fueling the myth of arrival. We strive to prove our worth, seeking approval and applause from others, only to realize that it’s insatiable.

It's not that achievements are bad, but treating them like they're gonna solve all your problems is a recipe for feeling like garbage. The trick is figuring out how to play the game without letting it play you.

But there is light at the end of this tunnel.

What if we took the time to reflect on what truly matters to us and redefine success on our terms?

Social Comparisons and Expectations

“Comparison is the thief of joy” - I heard this a lot in a group where we were all trying to get in better shape. The game of social comparisons isn’t new to social media, but boy howdy does it pour gas on the fire.

We’re all players, whether we like it or not, in this game of judgment and comparison. We’re bombarded with expectations from childhood, measuring ourselves against others’ achievements, wealth, or status.

What was that thing you thought as a kid that if someone had it, they were rich? Mine was a pool.

I asked someone this the other day and they said “The fridge doors with the ice dispenser.”

This game is rigged from the start.

When we compare ourselves to others, we fall into a never-ending trap of feeling inadequate. Instead, I try to remind myself that feeling good about myself lies not in outdoing others but in embracing my unique journey and celebrating my individual milestones.

Ok, great, but how can we focus on the journey?

Embracing the process

I’ve said this in a previous post - The journey is the goal.

The pawprints at the top of this post were something I stumbled upon on a walk. It reminded me that the journey is permanent.

If I had a magic wand that could give me my dream career, would I wave it?

If I did, I might lose it as quickly as I got it - because I’m still the version of myself I am today - with my current knowledge, life lessons, desires, challenges, and habits.

The only thing that gets you what you want is showing up every day and being an active participant in your life.

It’s time to shift focus from the end goal to the present moment and value derived from the process.

When I find myself immersed and obsessed with the journey, I become less frustrated at my lack of being at the “destination.”

Let go of the pursuit of “done” and instead savor the steps. Find peace in progress and growth.